There are so many conflicting things going through my brain....and I can't stop them long enough to really write down my thoughts on any one particular thing. I hate days like this. I'm happy...then I think about something, and I'm sad...and then one of the kids says something to me and I'm happy...and then I remember something else and I'm sad. OMG! Maybe my lack of sleep is making me crazy? Hmm...or it could be that being alone sucks?
Jesse has been gone for three weeks now and I am freakin' lonely. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying....why didn't you say something? Don't you have friends to hang out with? I didn't whine about being lonely because ......a while back, when I had first moved here, I was lonely for family - because we knew no one here...military move...and I had been writing to my SIL about how I was sad and it was hard to move somewhere alone and stuff...and I guess by the 2nd or 3rd letter, she said something to the effect that nobody likes whiners and I should buck up and deal. So....you know. I guess it stuck with me. I just keep my emotions inside, more, I guess. Safer..... and through it all, Jesse has been the rock, the security...and he's been gone, so .....::sigh:: I KNOW that the reason he's gone (Reserves) is a good thing, and I know other military wives have had to deal with worse than a 3 week assignment, and I truly feel for them, but it doesn't make it any easier for me. Jesse is in El Salvador...building a school and clinic for a village that has done without. It gives me such pride to say that. He feels proud of himself.
He'll be back in 4 days, though. I am so glad. I really.......really ........am.
Note: Yes, that's a picture of me...at 18. The expression, though...is what I'm feeling.....