Tuesday, February 1, 2005

::sigh::

  There are so many conflicting things going through my brain....and I can't stop them long enough to really write down my thoughts on any one particular thing.  I hate days like this.  I'm happy...then I think about something, and I'm sad...and then one of the kids says something to me and I'm happy...and then I remember something else and I'm sad.  OMG!  Maybe my lack of sleep is making me crazy?  Hmm...or it could be that being alone sucks? 

 

Jesse has been gone for three weeks now and I am freakin' lonely.  Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying....why didn't you say something?  Don't you have friends to hang out with?  I didn't whine about being lonely because ......a while back, when I had first moved here, I was lonely for family - because we knew no one here...military move...and I had been writing to my SIL about how I was sad and it was hard to move somewhere alone and stuff...and I guess by the 2nd or 3rd letter, she said something to the effect that nobody likes whiners and I should buck up and deal.  So....you know.  I guess it stuck with me.  I just keep my emotions inside, more, I guess.  Safer.....  and through it all, Jesse has been the rock, the security...and he's been gone, so .....::sigh::  I KNOW that the reason he's gone (Reserves) is a good thing, and I know other military wives have had to deal with worse than a 3 week assignment, and I truly feel for them, but it doesn't make it any easier for me.  Jesse is in El Salvador...building a school and clinic for a village that has done without.  It gives me such pride to say that.  He feels proud of himself.  

He'll be back in 4 days, though.  I am so glad.  I really.......really ........am.

Note:  Yes, that's a picture of me...at 18.  The expression, though...is what I'm feeling.....

12 comments:

  1. Listen ever when you reach out should anyone think are say ur a whiner your just someone who needs to know someone is listening and can feel where their coming from ...I can't be there But tucked in this comment is a Huggie just for you and a Prayer that you soon will be feeling Happy

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  2. Of course you're lonely!   You have every reason to have good days and bad... or even good hours and bad ones.   4 days...  just keep that in mind!  Sie

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  3. Aw, Sweetie!  I know how it feels, both to live in a place where you don't know people AND to have a family member away on military duty (I'm a Navy brat).  You don't have to be alone...if you don't get the support you need from people around you, you have your journal friends.  

    So send me an email or IM me if you need someone to talk to...if nothing else we can talk about our pets!

    P.S. You should be proud of your husband...and you should know lots of people are very grateful for the sacrifices you and other military families make.  I know it's not easy.

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  4. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hug}}}}}}}}}}}}
    http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind

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  5. Girl, it's that CURE music that's bringing you down!  Ha!....just kidding, they're my #1, actually.

    Thanx for writing and leaving a link to your journal.  I know that loneliness you're talking about.  I haaate it when my honey is outta town.  I always miss him so much.... plus, the little noises in the house seem scarier.

    Ana  ((0.~))

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  6. I first want to thank you for your kind comments and advice, I have appreciated all the advice... or reassurance.. But I thank you.  I am sorry that your huuby is gone but glad to hear he's coming home, I never can hear that too much ya know.  I just want you to know, I thank you are look younger now then you did in the photo.  BRAVO!!!  Have you ever thought about making a journal about your beauty secrets, lol..  I love your journal and it is one of my favc now... thank you and you're in my prayers
    Julie
    http://journals.aol.com/jewelinruff/Julesapples/

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  7. {{{{{{{{{{{{amy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    I didn't realize your man has been gone!!!! I'm srry! Here's hoping for a sweet reunion very soon.
    Laura

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  8. I can so relate to the happy/sad, happy/sad, emotions changing on a dime bit. I tend to keep my emotions bottled up inside too ... perhaps that's the problem? Perhaps if we all said/showed what we were thinking and feeling when we were actually thinking and feeling it, then we wouldn't have the constant shifting of emotions just waiting to bubble to the surface. I swear sometimes my kids must think I have a split personality!!!!!
    Hope the next 4 days pass by with record speed so that you can be with your hubby again soon!  

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  9. Hang in there Amy, I know that sometimes it is hard to smile, but just remember that you have a lot of friends, including your Tennessee Friends. Dad, Mary and Pinces. we read your journal daily. Things are going to be better.
    Dad and Mary.

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  10. It doesn't matter if they're gone for three weeks or a year... it's hard, regardless.  I'm new to your journal and thanks for the tulip graphics!

    Tracy

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  11. You feel any way you want, Amy, it's your life! Besides, in 4 days, everything will be fine. rich

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  12. I disagree totally with your sister-in-law for saying that to you.  You should be able to vent to family before anybody else.  Shame on her!!

    My youngest brother committed suicide  in 1999 (LONG story) and my brother-in-law let it be known that I was not to discuss my brother at all in his presence.  Truth be told, he was just uncomfortable dealing with it.  When someone is going through a rough time, you don't have to say anything, just be there for them and most of all listen, which is what your SIL should have done!!!!  That is what I wish I had had the guts to say to my BIL.

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Talk to me, people! Otherwise, I'm just talking to myself....