I get this email every once in a while and it never gets too old for a laugh. It's been <bleep>'d. (for those of you with kids reading over your shoulder?) Although, if you read it out loud, it starts to sound like an episode of the Osbournes.....LOL
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you
just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you
know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
call I'd forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is John. Could I please speak
with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "
You're an <bleep>!" and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word
'<bleep>' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, "You're an <bleep>!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
calling" would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the
Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with
our Caller ID
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because
you're an <bleep>!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull
into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into
the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that
I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a
"For Sale" sign in
his back window which included his phone number, so
I wrote down the
A couple of days later, right after calling the
first <bleep> (I had his
number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call
the BMW <bleep>,
too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a
yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're an <bleep>!" Then I hung up, and added
his number to my
speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two <bleep> to
call. Then I came up
with an idea. I called <bleep> #1.
"You're an <bleep>!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"<bleep> , I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a
yellow house, with my
black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you
had better start
saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, <bleep>," and
Then I called <bleep> #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, <bleep>," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your <bleep>," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, <bleep>, here's your chance. I'm
coming over right
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at
34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way
over there to kill
my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the
gang war going down
in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to
Mowbray. I got there just
in time to watch two <bleep> beating the crap out of
each other in front
of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works.