Wednesday, November 2, 2005

Anger Management

I get this email every once in a while and it never gets too old for a laugh.  It's been <bleep>'d. (for those of you with kids reading over your shoulder?)  Although, if you read it out loud, it starts to sound like an episode of the Osbournes.....LOL

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you
 just need to take
 it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you
 know, take it out on
 someone you don't know.
 
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
 call I'd forgotten to
 make. I found the number and dialed it. A man 
answered, saying "Hello."
 
I politely said, "This is John. Could I please speak
 with Robyn Carter?"
 
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the
 right f***in'
 number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
 
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
 When I tracked down
 Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
 had accidentally
 transposed the last two digits.
 
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
 'wrong' number again.
 
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "
 You're an <bleep>!" and
 hung up. I wrote his number down with the word
 '<bleep>' next to it, and
 put it in my desk drawer.
 
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
 had a really bad day,
 I'd call him up and yell, "You're an <bleep>!"
 
It always cheered me up.
 
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
 therapeutic "<bleep>
 calling" would have to stop.
 
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
 Smith from the
 Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with
 our Caller ID
 Program?"
 
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. 
 
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because
 you're an <bleep>!"
 
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull
 into a parking spot.
 
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into
 the spot I had
 patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that
 I'd been waiting
 for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a
 "For Sale" sign in
 his back window which included his phone number, so
 I wrote down the
 number.
 
A couple of days later, right after calling the
 first <bleep> (I had his
 number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call
 the BMW <bleep>,
 too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
 sale?"
 
"Yes, it is", he said.
 
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
 
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a
 yellow house, and
 the car's parked right out in front."
 
"What's your name?" I asked.
 
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
 
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
 
"I'm home every evening after five."
 
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
 
"Yes?"
 
"Don, you're an <bleep>!" Then I hung up, and added
 his number to my
 speed dial, too.
 
Now, when I had a problem, I had two <bleep> to
 call. Then I came up
 with an idea. I called <bleep> #1.
 
"Hello."
 
"You're an <bleep>!" (But I didn't hang up.)
 
"Are you still there?" he asked.
 
"Yeah," I said.
 
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
 
"Make me," I said.
 
"Who are you?" he asked.
 
"My name is Don Hansen."
 
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
 
"<bleep> , I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a
 yellow house, with my
 black Beamer parked in front."
 
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you
 had better start
 saying your prayers."
 
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, <bleep>," and
 hung up. 
 
Then I called <bleep> #2. "Hello?" he said. 
 
"Hello, <bleep>," I said.
 
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
 
"You'll what?" I said.
 
"I'll kick your <bleep>," he exclaimed.
 
I answered, "Well, <bleep>, here's your chance. I'm
 coming over right
 now."
 
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
 saying that I lived at
 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way
 over there to kill
 my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the
 gang war going down
 in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
 
I quickly got into my car and headed over to
 Mowbray. I got there just
 in time to watch two <bleep> beating the crap out of
 each other in front
 of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a
 news crew.
 
NOW I feel much better.
 
Anger management really works.

13 comments:

  1. ROFLMBO, Amy!  That is hysterical.

    Blessings!~
    Susan
    http://journals.aol.com/rjet33/CountryLivingSouthernStyle/

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  2. What a classic that is!!

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  3. That was just about one of the best Ive read. Thanks Amy,
    Cathy.

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  4. Oh my.... that's wrong, funny, but wrong. LOL

    Hugs,
    Susan

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  5. ah yes that sounds like perfect fun. I shall try it sometime LOL

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  6. I loved that!!!
    I need to remember to that next i'm pissed LMAO
    Hugs Marina  

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  7. <ROFL> That was great... hmmm... I wonder..... <eg>
    http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind

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  8. I'm so proud of you!  Have I turned you to the dark side -- or were you already there?  hee hee

    xo,
    Russ

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  9. Hmmm, I bet this could work.  Hugs,
    Lisa

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  10. I have seen this before...it makes me laugh every time. It sounds like something I would do if someone ticked me off bad enough. Oh the glory of devious minds.
    LMHO!!!

    -Raven

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  11. I have never read that before.  That is hilarious.  I beat my gay lover once too.  j/k

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  12. Laughing my boo boo off!  Too funny!

    Chris
    http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/Inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings
    http://www.bigoven.com/~swibirun

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