Monday, July 17, 2006

'It's a wonderful day in the neighborh - - ::record scratch::'

So, I says to Susan.....I says 'Hey Suse....I've got a crazy evangelical neighbor stalking me.  You think it'd be too much to put on my devil horn and get out my cauldron and act all weird in the front yard when she walks by? '

::pause::  OK, so I've been reading one too many Mafia books lately.  Anyway, it's true.  I've got my share of crazy neighbors.  The neighbor who I'm referring to in the first paragraph there has told us about the aliens that landed in her back yard....and she keeps wanting to share the Word Of The Lord with us.....AND, her latest.....she has taken it upon herself to organize who will be paired with whom in a neighborhood buddy program if there is ever a need to evacuate because of terrorists or some such.  Clearly she knows something I don't.  Which one of our neighbors is involved in questionable activities?!  G'head, ask her.  She'll tell you.  It must be those people who recently moved in and don't speak much English.  <insert eyeroll at your leisure>

ANYWAY, she can kiss my ever-expanding white tookus if she thinks she is the Boss of the Neighborhood.  I know who I want to be paired with in some kind of disaster, and it ain't the crotchety neighbor across the street.  A shirtless Justin Timberlake, maybe....

::cough::

So, I've purchased a lovely pentacle suncatcher to hang on my front door.  A lovely brass 'No Soliciting' sign will soon adorn my door as well.

Gyahh.....I'm thinking of putting up an 'I am Evil, Fear Me.' sign too.  Or maybe just 'Go Away.'  Or 'I am Evil, Fear Me AND Go Away'??  Fear me AS you go away?  Hmm...needs work.

I've embraced my inner darkness.  Or maybe I'm just a troublemaker.  Eh... either way, it makes for a decent journal entry. 

14 comments:

  1. Now I'd pay money to see that happen.  LOL.  ~ Mike

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  2. I have my pentagrams displayed PROUDLY all over my house and on both my front door and my back door along with the a sign that says "Blessed Be" AND a broom that has the brushes facing UP, not down.  Do you think they would get the hint?  NOPE!  They still come knocking on my door and want to "save" me.  Still fun though to try and scare them, but they don't scare very easily.  Sigh!
    Hugs and love,
    Lisa

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  3. ah you want a jewish evil eye amulet?????? hang that in your window have you seen one everyone askes what kind of cult im in lol OH I love tose kinds of people.Heck I aint pairing with no one its every man for himself if i have to evacuate and I aint waiting for the old lady acrosst eh road either. heck I d leave most my neighbors here lol

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  4. I kind of like the devil horn idea myself.
    What do you suggest for jehovas witness...lol

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  5. Oh, I am laughing my butt off!  I neeeeeed a No Soliciting sign for my front door also!  I love the I am Evil, Fear me and just go away!  Perfect!
    Traci

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  6. Way more than "decent", my evil girlfriend!!  This a great entry.  I used to have a great doormat that said "GO AWAY", but it got swiped (say it with me, "Swiper, NO SWIPINING!!").  I kind of dig crazy neighbors.  Possibly because I'm crazy too -- just not publically crazy.  YET.

    XO,
    Russ

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  7. Wow, Amy Lou!  I feel honored to have made it into your journal entry.  My kids got a huge laugh and volunteered as I did to come put on devil horns and stir in the cauldron with ya.  Everyone deserves some peace in their own home, KWIM?  The Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormon's about drove me nuts in Palmer Lake and Broomfield.  No offense to anyone who is of this religion, but it was most inconvenient to have to answer the door during the day when you are homeschooling and working (I work from home).  And I finally asked this one lady who kept coming to have bible studies with me, why are you bothering with me?  I am already saved.  Isn't the gist of it all to get the lost ones into the fold?  I never saw her again.  Maybe you should try that.  ::snort::

    Love ya, sista!~
    Suse

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  8. Just FEAR ME, lol that would do it. Sounds like a very interesting neighbor. Someone to stay away from.  

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  9. My vote is for the Fear Me!  We have our share of neighbors that are that way...maybe I should do the same thing!
    Hugs,
    Joyce

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  10. They make doormats that, instead of saying 'welcome' say 'go away.'  Perhaps one of those would be a good investment at this point. lol, and a big cauldron

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  11. Have you tried vomitting on her. Im sure she wont bother you again!
    Shes sounds really scary. I'd keep your doors locked and the pets inside if i were you. You never know what these crazy people are going to do

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  12. aren't they just a PITA???  
    we live next to our church and have the JW's and Mormons stopping by trying to convert me...I telll them if they come to church with me first, then I will listen to them!
    Becky

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  13. I'm thinking of putting up an 'I am Evil, Fear Me.' sign too.  Or maybe just 'Go Away.'  Or 'I am Evil, Fear Me AND Go Away'??  Fear me AS you go away?

    OK...THAT TAKES CARE OF MY QUESTION...I WAS GOING TO SEE IF YOU WOULD LET US COME FOR A VISIT. ROFLMAO!

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  14. Ah, yes.  We have one of those in our neighborhood as well.

    I always head her off with an enthusiastic speech about how much I enjoy the diversity in our neighborhood, and doesn't she just LOVE what the gay Hispanic couple three doors down is doing with ther front yard??

    HEHEHE

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Talk to me, people! Otherwise, I'm just talking to myself....