Saturday, November 1, 2008

I don't think I'm THAT crazy...... am I?

A few quiet moments for me to sit and think - since the boys are so tired from trick or treating, that they are just laying around quietly....and Ryan is off at work... so I finally get to have some quality computer time. (Did I just say that? Of course this is the perfect time for the cat to come and walk back and forth past me so I can't see the screen.)



Backtracking a bit....I want to say a heartfelt THANK YOU to all of you who commented on the last entry. You have no idea how much some of you touched me. I have a hard time sharing how I really feel, because I have been....well.....I've grown accustomed to the fact that my feelings are rather inconvenient. I mean, I used to be fun. Then I got into a really bad car accident and everything changed. I hurt all the time. That wears on a person, and my demeanor isn't sunshine and roses most of the time, anymore. Sadly, my husband is kinda tired of hearing it...tired of me hurting all the time.....just...tired of me, I guess. Don't get me wrong; I know he loves me. The thing that sucks though, is that nowadays, he tunes me out, doesn't acknowledge things I say, or if he does, alot of the time, he is short with me. Of course, that makes me feel small. Insignificant. Unimportant. I do try not to take it personally, but I can only try for so long before I get so worn down and sad that I fall into a dark puddle and just sit there and cry. I guess I just want to feel like I matter.



Oddly enough, I talk to my psychiatrist....and he told me he thought I should lower my dosage of Lexapro. ::blink:: Um... no. BAD IDEA! I'd just be.....well....sadder. (Is that a word?) It's so odd, really....going to my psychiatrist, who sits there, listend to me, responds back to me in a way that doesn't make me feel that I'm annoying..... and I think 'okay, is it that hard for others to be that nice?' I know the guys gets paid, but still......you know?



So. There's my deal with that.



Moving along to other stuff......last night was Halloween night. We had so many kids, I gave out at least 25 BAGS of candy and went to go buy more! I saw that kids were actually being trucked into our subdivision! It was craziness! There were a considerable amount of adults without costumes asking for candy, as well. I mean, really.....I don't mind giving candy to the adults as long as they try at least a little. A mask.....even a pair of pajamas....something, you know?! Anyway, we had to actually put up an 'out of candy' sign around 9 PM. When my kids came back from trick or treating, I noticed I have given out better candy that what they got. eesh. Next year, I'm just going to buy a couple extra bags of good candy for me! (Dark chocolate Crunch bars? MMMMM)



I wasn't able to get any quality pictures since we (still) don't have a camera....but....I can't figure out how to add pictures mid-post instead of them showing up at the top of my post. Little help with that, peeps?

::hug hug hugs:: to you all....

13 comments:

  1. I am so glad you posted how you are feeling. As you know,I so relate so much to much of what you said and it is helpful to know that I am not the only one who is going through it. And, I know how much it means so much to hear heartfelt concern from others. You do matter and you have all those lovely posts to prove it.;-)

    Enjoy the Halloween candy. And, I am so happy to say that I don't think you are crazy. Big hugs.xo

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  2. The easiest way to add pictures and do an entry is to get Live Writer. You get to make your post offline (no chance of it going poof!), and the add pictures gizmo is super simple and gives you options. If you try it and need any help just drop me a line.

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  3. Wow, babe, you're not crazy...you are....you're...umm, how do I tell you? You are HUMAN! I love ya.

    Also, can't wait to try Live Writer. Thanks astaryth!

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  4. Hi Amy,
    You're not crazy ... and you're not alone. There are a lot of us out here who value your opinion and look forward to your posts where -- at least as far as I'm concerned -- your sense of fun and your sense of humor shine through.
    Best,
    Marty
    P.S.: Just noticed the nice Riverwalk photo on your blog ... I've been there, really nice part of the country!

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  5. Amy,
    My Suz has chronic pain in her arm from her car wreck,and both her knees are gone and she needs knee surgery. I have fibromyalgia, and my muscles ache all the time,but I dont feel like I can complain since she seems to be in so much pain.
    Just between you and me...it makes me feel small...and uninportant. If I do say something, she's very supportive...but well, I just dont want her to grow tired of hearing me complain.
    You can talk to us here. It's safe here dear friend.
    Love you,
    Connie

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  6. I love you to bits Amy and can understand the chronic pain thing as well. I was in an accident just prior to me moving over here in 2000 and I have not had one day without pain since. It sucks, but that's just the way it goes. I miss having Halloween goodies to nick from over here. No goodies for me unless I buy my own!

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  7. You ain't crazy, well, no more crazy than the rest of us! Don't worry about airing your thought's either, it helps, well it did me.
    Keep well, you know where I am if ya want to vent.
    Gaz xxxxxx

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  8. Next year just give out chocolate covered sprouts.

    I use Live Writer already. It does the job.

    I guess over time we take each others habits and feelings for granted. Mrs B used to clap and say "Well done" when I farted. Now she does looks at me funny.
    :o)
    x

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  9. I've walked a few miles in the "my feelings" being insignificant shoes. They DO matter, and you know that you can share them here Anytime!
    We don't get trick-or-treaters here, so I just wait till Nov.1st(50% off) and "stock up for next year" ;)
    :) Leigh

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  10. Amy, I hope this blog will provide an outlet for you...and will let you know that you DO matter, and that plenty of us find you a lot of fun to read. I love your sense of humor!

    As for adding pictures, when you upload them, choose whether you want them on the left, right, or in the center. When you upload, they'll always appear at the top. Click on the pic so that you get the little squares at the edges (don't you love my technical terms?) then click and drag the picture to where you want it in the text. Hey presto!

    Love, Beth

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  11. I'm sorry you have to live with cronic pain. I deal with the same thing with my husband, I know how hard it can be.
    You are crazy - but only in a good way! :-)
    About the photos - many use Live Writer, I haven't tried that yet. I just type and add photos right on my blogger entry and then click the photos one at a time and drag them to where you want to put them in your entry. Hope this helps!

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  12. First off, HUGE hugs to you, girlfriend! You have been such a good friend to me this past year with your support and a listening ear, so thank you for that! I'm sorry you get so sad like me :*(. And I can relate to what you're going through with your dh. I probably need a good psychiatrist myself, but my family doctor is a pretty good listener. I hope you're feeling a bit better by now...lotsa' hugs to you and chocolate! :)

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  13. I have the same problem with trying to get my pics throughout my entry. They all go up to the top, no matter where I place them in the entry.

    I can so relate to what you are saying here. I am the same way. With my illnesses, I hurt all the time. We had company the other nite, I said for the humpteenth time, "My feet really hurt."

    Hubby said, "You've already said that like 900 times."

    I yelled back at him in front of our company, "BECAUSE THEY DO!"

    Then I started laughing trying to make light of it cuz it embarrassed me so in front of our company.

    It is miserable and depressing to hurt all the time. Believe me, I understand. I'm here if ya need me.

    Love ya!~

    Suse

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Talk to me, people! Otherwise, I'm just talking to myself....